Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
“Why am I like this?”
“I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”
“Ugh, I’m so dramatic/emotional/too much.”
This is the voice of judgment—and most of us hear it more often than we realize. But what if, instead of judging yourself for how you feel, you got curious?
“What’s happening here?” is a far more healing question than “What’s wrong with me?”
In therapy approaches like DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), we teach people how to observe their emotions without shame—and it starts with shifting from judgment to curiosity.
🧠 Why We Judge Ourselves
We often learn early on that certain emotions are “bad,” “too much,” or “weak.” So when those feelings show up—like sadness, anger, anxiety, or neediness—we automatically judge ourselves for having them.
The brain thinks it’s helping: If I criticize this feeling, maybe I can stop it.
But what actually happens? We feel worse. We feel ashamed on top of already feeling sad, angry, or anxious.
🌱 Curiosity: A Game-Changer for Emotional Growth
Curiosity softens shame. Instead of saying:
❌ “Why can’t I just get over this?”
Try:✅ “Interesting… what might this feeling be trying to tell me?”
Curiosity turns emotion into information, not a personal failure.
🛠️ A Simple DBT/ACT Approach: Observe, Name, Normalize
Observe the Emotion
Pause. Notice what’s coming up—without changing it. You might say:“I notice I’m feeling really anxious right now.”
Name It Without Judgment
Naming helps create space. You can try:“This is anxiety. It makes sense, given what I’ve been dealing with.”
Normalize the Experience
Remind yourself:“Everyone feels this way sometimes. I’m not broken—I’m human.”
This three-step approach teaches your nervous system that your emotions are allowed. And when they’re allowed, they don’t have to shout as loud to be heard.
💛 Self-Compassion Isn’t Weak—It’s Regulating
Research shows that practicing self-compassion actually reduces emotional intensity, improves emotional regulation, and increases resilience. It helps you:
Stay grounded when emotions rise
Make wise choices (not reactive ones)
Build a better relationship with yourself
And no—you don’t have to “love yourself” all the time. Sometimes just saying “This is hard, and I’m doing my best” is enough.
🌿 A Gentle Practice
Next time you feel an emotion coming up, try this short reflection:
✨ “If I weren’t judging this feeling, what might I notice about it?”
✨ “What does this part of me need right now—not to be fixed, but to feel seen?”
✨ Final Thought
Judgment fuels shame. Curiosity builds compassion.
Your emotions aren’t flaws to fix—they’re signals to explore.
By shifting from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s going on here?”, you open the door to healing, self-awareness, and real change.
You don’t have to fight your feelings. You can sit beside them—with kindness.
